The Art of Outdoor Potty Training

Sawyer announced that he had to pee four times while we were out in the city today. Three of the times, we were in stores close enough to places I knew had public restrooms that were clean enough to use with a toddler, ones within 30 seconds of wherever we were standing, because our response time is limited and only gauged by the level of urgency he chooses to awkwardly display on his face.

The last time, though, we weren’t near any restaurants. We were in the middle of a grassy park near the duck pond, and there was no way I was going to be able to run with him to the nearest brewery in time.  Look at how lovely today’s setting was.

stu-pond

Now that you know where we were, I’d like to unveil today’s lesson in responsible parenting.

bush-urination

The entire time I snapped away, the Mr. hissed, “STOP TAKING PICTURES OF HIM”, but not because he knew I ws going to post them all over the internet and doesn’t think it’s appropriate to put bare assed photos of our children out for public consumption.  He carried on with, “You are going to give him stage fright.”

First of all, no child of mine is even capable of stage fright under any circumstance.  Second, I witnessed that child poke our Frenchie, Bull, in the eye with his anteater penis the other day and laugh and laugh, slapping his knee and then doing what I’m assuming is the toddler attempt at that weird helicopter penis thing I’ve seen his father do more times than I’d like to discuss.

There is no way in hell I’m taking the blame if that child can’t piss on a tree in public.

 

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