Helloooo Mr. Universe

So I’m not usually one to act like a creep and stalk someone. First of all, I think being called a creep is probably the worst thing you can call a man. Most undesirable men are used to being called scumbags or assholes or jerks or whatever else jaded and bitter and engraged or bored or entitled women can think of, but when you toss out, OHMYGOD YOU ARE SUCH A CREEP, that implies a whole new level of wrong that usually involves spying and making weird faces or gestures or just being bizarre and making us feel of disgust that usually make us have to shower.

No one wants to be around a creep, let alone be one.

However, that is actually what Amber and I were acting like during the cruise and we take 100% responsibility for our behavior and after seeing our video, you will understand (ladies, you will) why we are not going to apologize. We were the creepiest of creeps and we kind of think it’s funny.

We saw Mr. Universe on day two at the pool, probably right before he entered the sexy legs competition. At first, we were not that entertained by him. And when I say at first, that lasted all of one minute until he turned around and put his green, plaid speedo in our face and laid out all of what Italy had to give us for eye candy that week. Not only was Mr. Universe packing quite a speedo, his skin was of caramel, his silver, lush hair glistened in the sun and he had a smile that made us breathless, when we were staring at his smile, which was rarely.

Just the preview

For the rest of the trip, he taunted us with his open legged positioning in his beach chair, which always just happened to be right in front of us. Seriously, the man just lounged around, legs open and leaning on one arm almost the entire trip. I saw no application of sun screen the entire trip, leading me to believe his skin was just meant for the sun. While the boys mocked us and claimed the back of his speedo looked like a diaper, we glared back and hissed that they were jealous of his goodies, which we’d point at and purr over from time to time.

Mr. Universe drank only water all trip, was at the gym at 6am every day, read Italian books at lunch and ate ice cream with a passion and technique that we enjoyed. He was truly a dream to stare at. I suppose his wife probably wondered what the hell was wrong with us but hey, don’t wear that damned speedo if you don’t want a bunch of bored American girls gawking.

I suppose we took it a bit too far when we started going down to the photo lab where they posted all the cheesy photos that the cruise had taken throughout the trip, mostly just to find his family photos, run our fingers over them and make awful comments that should get our mouths washed out with soap over. Or maybe it was too far when we’d take turns going to awkwardly stand behind him, acting all nonchalant, while the other took pictures from across the pool. Or maybe it was us filming him that was borderline psycho. Who knows.

What? This isn’t normal? YEAH RIGHT.


Anyway, leave us alone. We can act like nuts once in a while. 8 days on a cruise with the same damned people will do that to you, especially when there are only like 20 attractive people and 400 that look like candidates for the Biggest Loser.

So as to not keep you waiting any longer, da da da daaaaaaaaaaaa, here he is, in all his glory, Mr. Universe!

Our Mr. Universe (CLICK ON THIS LINK…it’s fine for work. No nudity, I promise)

Mr. Universe, we miss you and your green speedo.