So I asked my friend Sandy, because she’s hysterical and on the same level of wrong as me, to send me a few potential questions for my new website’s FAQ section, if I decide to go with one. I figure no one wants to hear about my upbringing or my biggest inspiration in life or my deepest, darkest fears. No, you probably want to know more things that are ridiculous and wrong and make you wonder if it I’m actually, seriously, insane.
Well, I could just answer you on that last one but what fun would that be.
So. I’m sitting in a meeting room with 30 German soldiers in a work related meeting in Munich. I’m the only American, I’m the only girl and I’m the only person that only speaks English. Therefore, I am the most worthless person in the meeting (building) and also, I’m not getting much out of this portion of the meeting outside of pretty slides (all in German but at least colorful) and the luxury of practicing my German listening skills and playing a new game, How many words can you pick up besides ja genau in a German conversation. I max out at about two words per chat.
Progress, friends, progress.
So I decide to check my email because that would at least be productive and unfortunately, I open Sandy’s email in the middle of a riveting discussion on scenario planning, power supply shortages and tent purchases…at least I think that’s what they were discussing when I read this.
1. Which disorder would you most enjoy? There are so many to choose from, be selective, you can have only one.
2. If you knew you would be stuck on a deserted island for a year, what would be your favorite color?
3. Everyone wishes to be extraordinary from time to time. What superpower would choose to have on those special days?
4. If you had to choose among drinking a stranger’s urine, kicking a puppy or pretending to be nice to someone you despise, which would you prefer?
5. I have read several references to coffee in your blog. Have you ever put cream, sugar or heroin in your coffee? Yes or no.
6. With which one of these delusions do you most closely associate and why?
Fregoli delusion: a disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that different people are in fact a single person who changes appearance or is in disguise.
Reduplicative paramnesia: the delusional belief that a place or location has been duplicated, existing in two or more places simultaneously, or that it has been ‘relocated’ to another site.
Capgrass delusion: causes the sufferer to believe that a close acquaintance, generally a spouse or some other family member, has been replaced by someone who carries the same exact looks.
7. Word association, please. I’ll take your word that you put the first thing that came to your mind
d. Gag Ball
So then I choked on my apfel schorle, and stared at the floor until I could convince myself not to laugh like a jackass in the middle of a meeting I was kindly invited to and shut down my email because I cannot control myself in public. Seriously, you have no idea how much effort controlling myself took.
And in case you were wondering, yes, I am accepting more questions of this similar nature. Have at it.