Honey Boo Boo and The Gays

So in case anyone wants an update about living with The Gays, here’s a little update that will hold you over until I can do a longer Life with Two Gay Men post. The good news is that over the weekend they told me they don’t think I’m really fat and they tweezed my eyebrows for me last week. They’re also great tanning partners and wine buddies and they’re still the world’s best personal assistants and bitches can host a dance party in a car like you wouldn’t believe. And OHBELIEVEME, I spent 17 hours in a car with them this weekend.

That being said, you should all know that I’m still being called a lesbian, AND now, they’ve started using the Honey Boo Boo Child voice to mock me which means they basically think I am an older Alana, if go-go juice were white wine. In fairness, the fact that I can quote this entire video, with hand motions and the voice, probably doesn’t help my case at all.

First of all, this is a real child that now has her own TV show and please do not get me started about what is wrong with children (and parents) in America. I’m sure my international friends are goddamned horrified. We’ll talk about that later.

Back to me being like this nightmare child. Oh, and when you say HONEY BOO BOO CHILD, you say CHIIIIIIIIIIIL, like you’re all Southern and therefore you think it’s charming to never end a word with the letter it was given. Oh god, I cannot get started on the South either. Jeez I’m all over the place today.

Back to me and the little white trash queen of the world.

First of all, I don’t call myself Honey Boo Boo anything. I did check on my stomach and possibly grabbed it and pulled on it to see who was bigger and umm, she is. I think. (Yes, I am publicly comparing myself to a child, I DO.NOT.CARE) We may share a similar hair color and some dance moves, but I have never on screen yelled, A DOLLA MAKE ME HOLLA. Unless I was at a strip club, because in that case, I could see myself saying that. Also, I don’t guzzle wine like she does her go-go juice. And even if you might think I do sometimes, (I can see through the computer some of you raising an eyebrow) I have never tried to do that spin trick on a hardwood floor. Breakdance, maybe, but not spin around like a top.

Though I do like her confidence. Girl’s going to own her trashiness and I fully support that.

But in closing, I’m really NOT like Alana.

I’m NOT.

2 thoughts on “Honey Boo Boo and The Gays

  1. Sarah1976 says:

    Yikes. I’ve read a little about this kid and seen her referenced in the trashy pop-culture media I enjoy, but I’ve never seen a video. It’s so much worse when it talks.

    I love your writing and your stories about your roommates in particular. I had similar roommates in college and it was non-stop fierceness.

    • unapologeticmoxie says:

      @sarah1976: Thanks so much for the kind words! The boys do keep my life pretty entertaining and I am excited about all the stories to come, if I survive! And that kid? Wow. No words.

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