Things to do in Germany 2012

Time to do a post about living in Germany for a few reasons:

1. Last night I started making a list of things Kyle and Bryan should do for day trips this summer WHEN THEY MOVE HERE in June. Yes, they are really coming and will really need inexpensive and fun things to do weekly as they adjust. Can we say CASTLE TOUR?

2. I just found that there is a whole group of Expat bloggers living in Germany and they all know of each other. I feel left out/excited to hopefully meet them and share ideas and stories…

3. Get THIS. The Germans fall number two only to Americans in reading my blog. How did THAT happen? They overtook the UK, France and the Italians in the matter of a month.

What are you trying to tell me, Germany? You’re keeping an eye out? Well, well. I rise to your challenge.

So, in considering German challenges, lately, I realized I’ve fallen behind on doing the things I said I’d do in my own country Germany. I think I got caught up in the appeal of hitting every other country outside of Germany because, well, Austria, France, Switzerland and Italy are all under four hours from me while driving and sometimes you just have to get out of the Fatherland for a weekend.

Also, why does Germany get to be The Fatherland? Does every country get to call itself The Fatherland? I suppose if I were a country, I too would like to be called something as creepy and aggressive as The Fatherland, but I am not a country. I hope I don’t find out any country can call itself a Fatherland because then jesus, the whole title loses its power.

Sorry. I got sidetracked.

So this book I have. You know the one, 1000 Things You Must Do or See or Experience or Ruin before you Die? Yeah, that one. I previewed it and came up with a list of ten things I’m going try to do and as soon as possible, just in case I want to add more to the list.

Ten New Things to Do, See or Experience in The Fatherland.

10. Never visit Neuschwanstein castle again. No offense, King Ludwig, but I have been there too many times and to be really honest, you only finished 7 of the rooms before you were murdered and I actually think the views and the foot bridge are prettier than the actual castle. That being said, everyone should see it once but I don’t want to go there anymore.
9. Buy a new retro dirndl at the flohmarket this weekend. I have been told that while the retro ones aren’t as revealing on top, they are lots of fun and show more leg. I think the solution to this problem is just to not wear the white top. Problem solved.
8. Eltz Castle. Sometimes you hear yourself tell someone visiting, JESUS, if you’ve seen one German castle, you’ve seen them all. But this isn’t true. This one is in the middle of a dense forest. I like the sound of that.
7. Hamburg. Do a proper tour through Hamburg for the seafood, to be on the water and because let’s be honest, I never turn down a walking tour through a good red light district. Working ladies amaze me.
6. Dance on top of a fest table during Oktoberfest in Munich this year. I’ve only ever been to Volksfest, which is enough fun, but this year is the year I’ll make it to the real deal.
5. Visit Checkpoint Charlie WHILE drinking a Dunkin Donuts hazelnut iced coffee. No lie, Berlin sells DD. Bonus of talking to other Expats, you can find iced coffee.
4. Finally take the burning of the castles/Rhine boat tour this August.
3. Make a black forest cake while wearing a dirndl. Seems pretty normal.
2. Attend a football game. Doesn’t matter where or when, I just want to finally do it. And maybe if you’re all lucky, I’ll really get into it and paint my face and learn more swears to yell. But wait. Somehow I highly doubt face painting for the purposes of team sports is considered cute in this country. Let’s consult Google. “Do Germans support face painting?” Google wrote back: WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK? Bitch, please.
1. Spend some time in Bonn. Not only do I hear that its quite charming, but I need to somehow get family records from when my dad’s side lived in Bonn and we moonlighted as Schmidt. Now that can’t be hard, right? Can’t be too many Schmidts in Germany….right?

So. That’s my list.

Also, I do know I promised something having to do with magenta haired wenches but that post requires photoshop skills and we all know that takes time. Maybe tomorrow.