I have to say the subject of this blog is a bit harsh, as I actually like my friend Joe from NY, but let’s be clear. I’m from New England and therefore I hate people from New York and two, anyone from New York is a douche. I’m not going to even say no offense to this because well, I mean it and I stand by it and even with a big win, you’re still a douche. Actually, you’re a bigger douche. So friend or not, oh well, suck it Joe and suck it NY.
But we all know why I’m here. I lost a fucking bet and I’m a good sport and so I spent today wearing Giants gear around my area, the city and I’ll wear it to a pub tonight. And so far, even though I about 5 more hours in this bullshit gear, I cannot tell you how much I hate it.
First of all, anyone that wears a jersey anywhere outside of a stadium where you can claim you were blacked out or peer pressures, is god-awful embarrassing. Even the Germans I encountered today had no idea why I’d be wearing this, have no connection to the game and therefore just assume I’m some white trash wearing a jersey around town like a tourist. Except I’m not a fucking tourist and I’m not white trash aka I’m not from NY. *take offense.
So. Here I am, standing on the top of the stairs, trying give Joe a nice view while I look unimpressed and he looks fucking smug. Also, note how unattractive I look while also looking like a scumbag and feeling like I need a shower.
Then we have this beautiful shot where I’m forced to display whose jersey I’m actually wearing. Thumbs are not all, Look who this guy is, but more so, yeah, fucking thumbs down for the sped from NY. Awesome.
Then we have the token friend shot where Joe gets to look happy again and I insist on ruining the shot with a classic SUCK IT shot. Fuck I hate wearing a Manning jersey.
Then, as if we don’t have enough shots in this particular square, Mr. H, who actually won’t walk next to me while looking like this, snaps one of me and Joe having a friendly conversation about why I hate the Giants again. And yes, I think he’s fucking mocking me. Again, for the millionth time today.
And then at beers, having another inappropriate conversation over beers, we have this nice shot, where I’m clearly laying down the law about something. Actually, I think this was right around the time the for the third time today Joe asked, BUT SERIOUSLY, you NEVERSAWITCOMING, RIGHT???
No, douche. I never saw the sped beating us. Not once, not twice. Don’t make me shank you.
And then lastly, I got the shot I wanted. I listen to Joe all day being all, “Heath, blue is YOUR COLOR.” And I wanted to spit on his jersey or burn it or rip it or lose it. But I figure there’s a better chance that my black soul has cursed it for all eternity. And that, my Pats fans, was well worth wearing it all day today.
So New York, all the Giants fans, anyone actually that’s ever pissed me off during a football season,
YOU CAN FUCK YOURSELF.