Valentine’s Day Menu (that should get you laid)

Isn’t that the point of Valentine’s Day? It is. We all know it is.

It will come as no surprise to anyone that I think Valentine’s Day is bullshit. I don’t subscribe to this completely commercialized holiday and it falls behind only Halloween on my, Holidays I Hate and Will Not Celebrate, list. That being said, I love to eat and Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to eat expensive, high calorie food, typically on someone else’s dime. Unless you’re married and then it’s your dime, which makes it all the more bullshit.

Regardless of the fact that I despise this holiday, I’ve set aside my feelings knowing that you all have to eat that day, and have decided to compose a, Top Things to Eat on Valentine’s Day, list, for those of you that are drawing a blank this week.

Eggs Benedict, Gordon Ramsay

Strawberry and cream cheese stuffed french toast, Paula Dean.

Lunch: You should be at work. Eat whatever the hell you want. I’d eat frozen chicken pot pie. That’s just me, though.

Maple Glazed Brussel Sprout Bruschetta,

Sausage Stuffed Mushrooms, Ina Garten

Ribeye with Onion Blue Cheese Sauce, The Pioneer Woman

Lobster Mac and Cheese, Ina Garten.

Salted Brown Butter Crispies, Smitten Kitchen

Red Velvet Sandwich Cookies, Paula Dean

There. That should give you a few ideas for cooking for the one you want to sleep with. And if these recipes don’t get you laid, I really don’t know what will. Good luck on Tuesday.