Doggy dog world

So you remember that I thought it was “Nip it in the butt,” not “Nip it in the bud,” right? Well, I found a new phrase that I was clearly wrong about. Apparently, it’s not “Doggy Dog World,” it’s “Dog Eat Dog World.” (insert me shaking my head)

Oh, I’m sorry, you think I’m shaking my head because I am the idiot? No, never, stop being so damned foolish. I’m shaking my head because I want to know what assclown came up with these sayings, thinking they’re the kitten’s mittens, while I think they’re fucking mental.

Speaking of mittens on kittens, has everyone seen the “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” ep where Charlie invents mittens for kittens and films his own commercial? Jesus, now that’s a brilliant episode.

Anyway, sure, blame me for being the idiot with a hearing problem that gets these phrases all wrong. I know I’m partially retarded, but I blame it on me misunderstanding people because I have this cute habit of just ignoring most people while nodding to pretend I’m comprehending. OR, even BETTER, I blame my third grade teacher for teaching me shit like writing in cursive, which was a fucking waste of time. Why don’t grade school teachers teach you something of value? Like how not to sound like a fucking moron in your thirties? That would have been a much better spent hour than learning how to connect my name with squiggly lines.

Definition of Dog Eat Dog World:
Dog-eat-dog describes a world in which people fight for themselves only and will hurt other people. Example: “I have been in this business for twenty years. It’s dog-eat-dog. The competition is always trying to steal your customers.”

Oh.Really. And I’m supposed to be the moron? First of all, dogs don’t eat other dogs, unless you’re on the Vick farm. Second of all, if that’s the definition, the better saying would be something like, “”I have been in this business for twenty years. It’s Neighbor Fucking Your Wife type shit out there. The competition is always trying to steal your snatch.”

A neighbor snatching your wife’s snatch seems more cutthroat than a dog eating another dog. Or at least more realistic. Or maybe it’s just a bad example. I don’t care.

Now, sure. I have no idea why I would have thought Doggy Dog World would make sense but does it matter what I thought? I’ve never used this phrase, therefore I have done no wrong. I just tossed it around in my head a few times incorrectly. And let’s be honest. I’d rather have someone stab me in the thigh repeatedly with an unsharpened pencil than use that phrase in a sentence. And further? I think anyone that has ever said that out loud with a straight face is a goddamned idiot.

I mean that as offensively as one can say it.

PS, apparently if you English isn’t your native tongue, you can learn these other stupid phrases and sound like a real American. More stupid idioms FOUND HERE.

**Post about setting stuff on the ass of a sista friend comes tomorrow because wow, it’s a really fun topic to research and write about.