Herpes, German midgets and Jenny’s in town!

Today I woke up like it was Christmas. Jenny, one of my oldest and greatest friends from DC, has finally come to Germany and I was so excited to see her. Without having to wait for my alarm, I was up and ready to do a quick once over on the house again and then head to work so I could be to the airport on time.

This is the part where I roll over in bed, hit the Mr. and tell him to HURRY UP, WE CANNOT BE LATE TODAY.

Fifteen more minutes, he says, which is fair, considering we typically don’t wake up until 0715 every day.

Fine, I say. Off to check email, make coffee and feed the dogs I go.
Fifteen minutes I am back, on the bed, shrieking, get up, get up, GET UP PLEEEEASE DO NOT MAKE ME LATE TODAY. He finally decides to open his eyes, I think to do as I ask. But no.

“Did you split your lip in your sleep last night or do you have herpes?” This is what he thinks is fun to ask me at 6am.

“Herpes. Definitely herpes. NOW PLEASE GET UP.” I check my stupid lip. It is bleeding because I split it in my sleep because I DO NOT DRINK WATER, not because I’m getting the herp via random cock sucking. God.

Anyhoo. That was the start of my morning.

The day has really picked up, though.

This afternoon, I picked up Jenny at the airport and briefed her all things German and updated her on my house and my life as a pseudo European.

“Germany smells like sausages,” she offered.

Why yes, yes it does.

“Moxie smells like lobster,” she also, offered, after kissing her and clapping her hands, excited about how “interesting” Moxie looks. THis is all odd to me because the Mr. just told me two nights ago that Moxie smells distinctly like lobster poo, which I took offense too, even more so than when he calls her Dumpster Baby. But if two of them say it, Moxie is going to need another bath.

Anyway, after leaving Jenny to come back to work, I almost hit a pack of cyclists and was angry about their pack getting in my way until the sun moved and OHMYGOD it was a pack of German midget cyclists. There is no way that combination even exists but I started shrieking with my window open and clapping and kind of slammed on my brakes because I was so in awe at how all the bikers were so small and therefore their little outfits were also so small.

In an hour, I’ll head home and we’re going to make steaks. We’re also going to maybe share a bottle of the Schwarz as a Welcome to Germany dinner outing, though I doubt it’ll make Jenny appreciate Germany so much as wish death upon it. It being the country.

So, because I don’t have a million hours to form rational thoughts or type lengthy thoughts about nothing, that is the summary of my day.