So my partner in crime, JLaw has returned to the North and I’m bummed because she was a fantastic house guest and splendid to have around. My house turned into sleep camp for her for a week, as well as American fat camp, except the reverse, because we just sat around eating every American snack we could get our hands on, primarily because she can’t get American snacks up North and I used her as my excuse to eat cupcakes and Doritos all week. Between snacking and wearing lipstick, we were very busy all week.
But now she’s gone and so I’m lying in bed, working on some writing proposals and fucking around reading other people’s blogs. OHMYGOD I almost forgot. Speaking of blogs, guess whose fucking blog is blocked from FACEBOOK? MINE. Of course it is. And all because someone reported it as abusive. I don’t even know what the fuck that means.
First of all, there is nothing goddamned abusive about my blog. It is obviously vile and inappropriate and wrong on so many levels but it is not fucking abusive. And obviously whoever reported me does not like ass sex because that’s the post that did it, not shocking, but it’s not my problem you don’t like that. Just stop fucking reading it and go back to having your stupid vanilla sex.
Furthermore, I would understand if I talked about wanting to ass rape people. Like as in that was my thing and I detailed how I went about violating people from behind but that’s not what the stupid post was about, was it? It was merely a very nice tutorial for men so they can trick their unwilling girls into having The Bad Sex. I felt like I was doing people a service and then some fucking emotional trainwreck has to go report me. And who are you even fucking reporting me to? Who sits at Facebook and answers these fucking babies? Because I feel like Mark Zuckerberg is NOT taking my side and I’m not thrilled about it.
And I hate feeling like I’m being punished. I use facebook to send my posts out. And if for one second FACEBOOK THINKS THEY ARE THE BOSS OF ME, they are fucking sadly mistaken. And so hopefully by tomorrow I will have my new site up so that I can post that link and world order will be restored. Also, I’d love to know who reported me so I can do a specific post on them about why they suck at life in general. Not that I’m angry.
So back to the proposals. I’m working on a few for the fall. One being a travel one, because I travel to so many countries, it’s really a waste not to write about it and maybe get paid to do it. Second, my advice column for men proposal, which is why I do the Ask Heather posts. It’s practice. And I get to use my posts as examples to pitch magazines. So, contrary to popular belief that I write those posts to ruin my husband’s life, I am doing it for myself. So ANYWAY. I’m looking up appropriate magazines today to write this pitch to and of course Maxim is on my list because it’s trashy as hell and they love inappropriate things and so in googling “Maxim advice column”, I come across this piece of bullshit.
And that just reminded me that I hate girls. Not all girls but a large number of the vagina having population. And especially this type of girl. I mean really. If I were this pathetic girl’s boyfriend, I would fucking smack her across the mouth with my Maxim magazine for being a stupid wench. Jesus Christ.