Produce to get freaky–German style

So I’m driving through Germany the other day and see yet another produce sign for spargel and erdbeeren, which for all you Americans and non-Germany dwellers is white asparagus and strawberries. And I’m thinking to myself, why in the FUCK does Germany sell these two produce items together? I can’t figure it out, as asparagus goes with steak and strawberries go with whipped cream and I guess if you’re looking to put together a whole meal, good for you, thanks for being so efficient about it but jesus. But anyway, sure enough, every season, wooden signs go up with horny looking asparagus and plump strawberries, always making me confused as fuck as why the two are sold together at farm stands country-wide.

I'm now obsessed w spargel pictures in a, don't look but ohmygod I have to, kind of way.

So I’m talking to a friend the other day and I ask if they know why in the hell these two are sold together and I think he said, “Germans.” Which is of course an acceptable answer but not good enough for me and so since today I had nothing better to do, I googled “Spargel and Erdbeeren” and came up with this picture, which of course brought clarity to the whole issue.

Right. That's what I was thinking too.

So in seeing this picture, I’m all, Oh dear god, strawberries are aphrodisiacs and white spargel looks like albino penis so OF COURSE. Then I find out asparagus is also an aphrodisiac and now I’m convinced that the Germans just sell produce combos like this to compensate their lack of selling Viagra. But really, how much strawberry and asparagus salad to have you have to eat to drop your pants? That is a question I will have to look into.

Germans. They are a smart fucking bunch.

Spargel is starting to freak me out.


And further, no, I do not eat spargel (white asparagus) because it looks creepy and I can’t get albino dick out of my head when I see it. I’m cool with strawberries, still, though, because they are my favorite fruit and I will not let this country ruin that.

But really. There is no way I’m eating these two together. That just seems like it’ll catapult me into a fucking frenzy and shit, I’m all set with that right now.

Moral of this story is that the Germans are a bunch of freaks and I’d appreciate it if the farmers would stop fucking pushing sex on me on my countryside drives. Shit.