Special report: My newest brilliant idea

So, when I get too much time on my hands, I come up with things to do to keep me busy. And so, lucky all of you, I have a new idea and though I won’t be able to start til June, I have decided:

To have a weekly YouTube show that I post on the weekends on my blog. Just once a week, though. I don’t have enough time to tape shows, write, work and act ridiculous in Europe.

And so yes, once a week, my friends and I have decided the following:
1. We will set up my office as a set and the spare bedroom will obviously be hair and makeup.

2. We are allowed to wear whatever we want during the show taping, no one has to match and the most popular items suggested in our brainstorming session last night were: wigs, fishnets, but only ripped ones, lipstick that’s either cotton candy or red, corsets, hats, glasses, red heels, and obviously Hooters gear.

Red lipstick. Our new black.

3. We will be drinking wine the entire taping. If we decide to make a Friday evening taping, we can drink gin or tequila.

4. My guests will be my friends.

Me and some of my special guests

So far I have Caroline lined up to teach people the worm, Sun will do a spot on teaching dirty Korean words, Kathy is going to do a, “How to apply red lipstick while drunk/how to make a great spicy, hamburg con queso” double feature and Tracy and the Kokes haven’t quite informed me of their desired guest spot topics but they can get them to me this week.

5. I will also be skyping in my international friends on my laptop and interviewing them over the live feed, which is going to be great. I imagine I will interview Billy Fagan first, to really kick things off, but then again, that could just shut this whole show down immediately. We’ll see. I may also have my sister tape a spot from Maine so we can go live to my family, who I promise, never disappoint.

6. There are tracks to be made to play in the background. Baby Got Back, Pour Some Sugar on Me, Ice, Ice Baby and Doin’ It, will probably be regular go-to songs in moments of awkward silence or scene shifting. Or dancing. We’ve discussed the amount of random dancing that will be busted out for no reason. It’ll be great. I’ll finally be able to bust out the surfer dance live, for all the world to see. In case you want a preview of that little gem, here is a vision from Friday night. It’s almost impossible for me to behave more attractively in public.

Who cares what the rest of Fest is doing? I'm caught up in my sweet dance moves.

7. I will probably take a few guest calls, depending on my mood. This might just actually turn into the one-minute spot where I make one of my British (or Australian) friends skype in a read us the dictionary for a minute. Because that is totally worth it and not weird at all. I don’t have any Aussie friends, though, so let me know if you any of you have one. Oh, and only guys because I’m not listening to some British bird yap for a minute.

8. Caroline is only allowed to wear a turban if she is giving the World News, which I told her was the only way we could wear turbans and seem rational about it. She said fine, if I write the news. And by write, I will just print something off the internet, most likely off The Onion, which is far less depressing than the real news.

9. I will 98% start interviewing Germans about their ridiculous behavior and laws. Like the one where you’re not allowed to shower on a Sunday after 7pm, like that’s any of their fucking business. Or I could interview the new hairdresser I had yesterday, who was a gay man, German and deaf. Try to listen to that fucking accent for three hours while trapped in a salon chair.

10. The show is just going to be a live version of my blog. Me, talking about insane shit at my house w guests and costumes. It’s already set to be a shitshow because I don’t even know how to edit videos so every one posted will just be exactly as how we taped it, which is probably going to be more entertaining to watch than anything. I’m totally shooting for across between the Jon Stewart Show, Chelsea Lately, SNL and The Ellen Show—but more badass, because it’ll star me.

So, while I sit around in sweats today in the rain watching chick flicks, I’m going to brainstorm about guest topics and interview questions and make lists of the things I feel will be important to cover, live from my study in Steinenbronn. Suggestions welcome and please let me know if you’d like to be a guest on the show this summer. The more ridiculous, the better.