The Day I Tried to Make it to DC

Another update:
I am lying on the ground now at the stuttgart airport, working on 9 straight hours in the same fucking terminal and 6 lipstick changes. A ring is starting to form around my lips and the Mr said I look like a hippie that’s discovered makeup. Maybe bc I am wearing a Lenny Kravitz tee, ripped jeans and flops w now hot pink lipstick and I’ve decided to put on my ray bans inside bc whythefucknot. Being stuck here for a full day blows and I’ve resorted to pretending this whole damned place is my house, which is why I’m laying on the floor and trying on new perfumes, lotions and polishes like I’m at the goddamned beauty parlor. What else am I going to do?

I still have to fly to frankfurt to then fly to dc. I get in 5 hours late and will eventually be boozing away this 20 hour travel day in dc.

Just like a rock star. A rock star w pink lips.

Update: after waiting 4 hours, we were put on the only other flight to munich. After getting on said flight, we were delayed 25 minutes bc of air traffic, which I think is bullshit because there is plenty of air for everyone.

Then, the engine fires up and I think we’re off, which means we’ll make it to munich an hour before our second flight takes off.

But the air travel gods hadn’t bent me over yet today and so that didn’t happen but what happened instead is mr. Pilot comes on and starts giggling about how shit isn’t meant to be bc now our de-icing gear has failed, there are no other planes and we have to wait until Hans or Frans fixes it which could be WHOTHEFUCKKNOSWHEN and ha ha ha ya ya ya (in german accent) ve vill be leaving soooometime today.

Fuck you. The bullshit meter just hit code red.

So today ill just keep an online journal of what’s happening and anyone interested can pop in and out to see where in the world I am and what level of bullshit I am and also what my status is–meaning if I am detained, arrested, deported or just enjoying a latte.

Morning was going great. Up at 0350, showered, wearing clothes of the normal, not Hooters variety. I was dead sober, packed, ready and out the door w iced coffee by 0430. Flight set to leave at 0620.

For the first time in at least 9 flights, I made it through security without causing a scene, which means I also didnt get the pat down, which I will not lie, was pretty disappointing. I really like that part, especially the run their hands inside your pants to check your skivs, part. I have no idea what’s wrong w me.

Anyway, so we’re checked in by 0455 and drinking lattes by 515. Around 0600 I tried on a few lipsticks up in the beauty store because lipstick obviously means I lead a very luxurious lifestyle and I’m hoping to get upgraded at some point from my FUCKING SEAT BY THE BATHROOM. And I’m big into lipstick lately. The Mr keeps staring at my lips and pointed out it goes really well with my flip flops. I do not understand why I’m so misunderstood sometimes in our marriage.

By 0617 my flight to munich is delayed due to fog. By 0652 my whole flight is cancelled. Why are we even flying through Munich, you ask? An airport that by planet takes 40 min? No goddamned idea.

So currently, that’s where I’m at. Sitting downstairs w Mr. H who now thinks we should drive to Munich, which I do not support. Maybe if we had booked a ticket that made sense, I’d be on my way towards the ocean. He does not seem too concerned anymore, though, as that angry birds game has consumed him.

Ill be back soon. I think its already time for another latte and a new lipstick shade.