Masturbation FAIL. Lesson learned.

The Thelma and Louise of the Stu.


So my friend and I are driving home yesterday, top down, discussing all that is random, when I tell her, not having anything better to talk about,

“So. I zapped myself with my vibrator the other day. Like zap! And it fucking hurt like a bitch.”

“You electrocuted yourself? That’s awesome.” She didn’t seem surprised…more so impressed.

“Yes, and I didn’t stop because I had like 30 seconds if that left and I had a good thought going and jesus, so I just worked through the pain. But jesus, a day later, I’m in pain. That shit is dangerous.”

She laughed. “Reminds me of the time I threw my back out while rubbing one out.”

“You threw your own back out? That is some aggressive me time.” Now I was impressed. I tried to think of a story to top it but knew this talk could just get weird fast.

“Oh yeah. Threw my goddamned back out and had to call a friend to come get me to bring me to the doctors. Got myself some muscle relaxers and was laid up on the couch for another full day, unable to walk.”

“Holy shit. We are talking about masturbating. As in doing this shit to ourselves, like we’re unable to stop or control ourselves.”

“Seems normal.” She just shrugged.

Agreed. That conversation was pretty normal.

And I wonder why my husband’s family doesn’t read my blog. Oh well.