Top Ten Beverages

My next collector of dust.

I’m maxing out on the relaxation today and can only bring my myself to write about juice and juice-like beverages that do not qualify as soda or dairy.  My desire to discuss juice  is primarily because I spent all morning drinking suck ass crystal light and the hated water until I couldn’t stand it anymore.  The black Riesling girls lunch we had yesterday set me back into a world of sand in mouth and I sat around for hours trying to convince Moxie to get in the damned car and buy me some juice.  No such luck.  And so, when I was borderline dying, I drove to the store and made my Mr. H rate his favorite juices and then argued about why he was wrong and why my juices were better.   So here’s what I came up with.

Framboise. Obviously.  Speaking of, my friend Frederic is taking way too long shipping me juice from France.  Damn him.

Gatorade in either orange, yellow or fruit punch.  Yellow I think being lemon lime, but I can’t be 100% sure.

V8 Splash, Tropical.  I will never, EVER be bothered with drinking the original V8.  You would have to tie me to something and force it down my throat and I would still fight you.  God I hate that stuff.  The smell makes my skin itch. 

Apple, on ice.  I’m very particular about this. I also prefer to drink apple juice at top speed, which then leads to illness.  Still makes the list, though.

Orange pineapple, Tropicana, no pulp.  I hate pulp. 

Ecto Cooler.  Like I would ever leave that off the list.

Orangina, which is more juice than soda.  And the bubbles make it refreshing.

Pago Erdbeere, which I just discovered today and I LOVE.  It’s like a whole bunch of smashed up strawberries, but very ripe strawberries, minus the seeds.  I’m glad I’m never moving back to the States because we do not have these juices at home.

Cran grape.  Cran anything, actually.  Except just cranberry, because stand alone cran dries out my mouth and sends the jage into a tizzy thinking it’s UTI season.

Pineapple.  In small but delicious doses. 

My health would probably be much better if I loved fruit as much as I do love juice.  Which reminds me that I could rank my favorite fruits now, since I have nothing better to do.

1. Strawberries.  My most favorite.  Best when already sliced up.

2. Cherries.  I would love to know why they’re $6/pound here.  That makes no sense to me.

3. Pineapple

4. Blueberries

5. Tomatoes and avocados.  Two in one line because I’m not thrilled that they’re fruits.  I prefer these two to be considered vegetables but considering I have no legit reason, I will refrain from blabbing on and on about it. 

Fruits I do not enjoy are:

1. Apples.  Unless they are sliced and have salt on them which makes them tolerable.  

2. Melon.  I despise melon.

3. Dragon fruit.  While it looks pleasant and exotic, it’s stupid. 

In case anyone wondered, I am indifferent about bananas but very pro banana bread.  Furthermore, I’m now considering buying  a juicer, though I’ll use it once and get bored, but considering today is the start to my new health kick, it’s not like it’s going to make me more black on the insides.

But then again, I love milk and ginger ale more than any of the juices above so the smarter investment is in cases of Canada Dry.  Consider it done.