I will probably not get around to posting something deep and insightful or funny or sentimental about Valentine’s Day, primarily because I already got my breakfast in bed and adult time and I’m over it already. Welllll, then again, I might, but for now I’ll just post about the random stuff I have on my mind today.
I’d like to see some sort of survey done from this weekend that shows the percentage of VDay items bought at the store: Booze, chocolate and maybe just condoms. That should be enough. I imagine there is more booze bought than chocolate, because if you really think about it, you have a better chance of getting laid if you get someone sauced up, instead of say, buying a box of chocolate that’s going to take a week to eat. Just a guess. In any case, if someone could provide me with some sort of chart, preferably a pie chart, that’d be great. I love pie charts. I can comprehend anything put in a circle.
Time the fuck out. Before I forget, I’d like to note that I’m very thrilled that Lady Antebellum won last night at the Grammy’s because last year, I was ALL OVER “Need You Now.” I spent a good two weeks in Louisiana belting that shit out poolside while I drank Miller Lites with my cousin and sister, discussing the luxuries of life–mostly at that time we were discussing sunglasses, pedicures, shapewear swimsuits and crushing on hot men, all appropriate poolside topics. BUT ANYWAY.
My MOST favorite part being minute 2:57-3:14 when she emphasizes the word need. And let’s be honest, drinking increases needing and so there you have it. I heart this song, almost a year after it came out and made me losemyshit. It still does.
And now lastly, for all my single ladies out there, this card is for you.
Now one more thing. I was driving around in the car the other day and they were playing the sappiest, most pathetic line-up I had heard in a while. (“I Will Always Love You” and “On Bended Knee” will never do anything for me except make me want to punch you) And so I was thinking, what is it that we really want? What is it that sweeps women off their feet and makes men equally happy on Valentine’s Day? And then I knew I could summarize it in two lines.
1. Men: Blowjobs and silence. A whole day of it.
2. Women: Feeling like they’re the only person in the world. It’s that simple.
Sing it, Rihanna.