Learning to fight fair

Where was that section in my marriage handbook that no one gave me?  I wonder why no one ever told me that when you get married you have to learn to fight fair. 

I wouldn’t say I like to fight, but if it’s that or flight, you better believe I’ll pick losemyshit and smashing something over say, lock myself in my room and give the silent treatment for days.  I don’t do silent treatment.  I do irrational crazy and I’m pretty, wicked good at it. 

With each fight over nothing I have with my Mr. H, I realize I have no idea how this is supposed to go in normal married world.  Typically I have no idea:

1. What the hell I’m usually fighting about.  I usually start with something minor and then it all goes to shit so fast you wouldn’t believe it.

2. Why I can’t act like a normal person and keep myself from white noise shrieking.

3. How to pick my battles.

The way I see it is that everything can be a battle.  I will win the toilet seat battle and the food on the counter battle and the don’t talk to me like I’m committable battle and especially the yes, I’m allowed to nap, I’m a grown ass woman battle.  What else are we doing that’s so interesting that we can’t throw down over the *fun stuff?  We don’t have kids.  It’s not like we can say, “Look, I’m too worn out to fight with you after bathing, feeding, entertaining the kids.”  Moxie hasn’t bathed in months, it takes 2 minutes for them to eat and entertaining=buy new bones.  We have PLENTY of time to fight if we want to.  Not that we do. 

I do know that I like to swear a lot when I fight.  And clench my fist and jaw.  I’m a name caller and an evil eye giver and sometimes, when my Mr. H really drives me crazy, I just want to scream really fucking loudly.  I’ve somehow taken up stomping and if it’s a really minor, annoying, harmless round of banter, I’ll punch him really hard on the arm.  Not in a domestic violence type way…more like a, I’m so cute and you deserve it for bothering me, type way.  I’m fun, I know.

And so is it wrong that when I heard this song for the first time, I thought of myself and it’s now one of my favorites?

And really.  Loving and fighting like this means you have passion, right? 🙂