Shizer Mondays

The red one is pure evil and the black one is just special.

Jesus, today is such a shit day. Honest to God. Not only are my dogs out to get me deported with their habit of shitting everywhere in sight, or at least everywhere not socially acceptable by Germans, but Moxie is being a douche and Dante can expire for all I care. Seriously. Dante ate a whole bag of chocolate this weekend and then proceeded to throw the damned thing up while pissing himself everywhere which is his OWN fault, considering he FINDS the chocolate on his own and I let him out ALL.THE.TIME. and Moxie seems to think she doesn’t need a leash and is constantly almost getting herself hit by a car by pulling and refusing to get out of the road. They are lucky I haven’t let them both outside to run free.

Kidding. Kind of. Anyway, its lots of *fun at my house this week already.

Speaking of fun. Work is. I absolutely *LOVE the week before I travel to a conference and get 250 insane requests regarding hotels, transportation, food, etc. I am going to cut and paste some of the things these military professionals write to me.  I mean, REALLY.

So anyway. Here is one thing that doesn’t make me want to smash something on a Monday. I love this song. (Alors On Danse) It’s French and I’m sure you’ve all heard it but if not, enjoy. I can’t help but just want to dance when I hear it.

Now. On to today’s topic of choice. Things I’m obsessed with.

When I think of things most women are obsessed with, I think shoes, purses, clothes, jackets, makeup. I don’t like any of those things. I might even say I despise some of them.

I do not own many real shoes. I don’t see the sense. Considering I wear jeans (or let’s be honest, sweats) every day I am allowed, I have no use for fancy shoes that no one really sees.

Hi, I'm Colette and I love pastels. Fuck me, this is gross.

Purses? Good god, no. Purses are just dirt and change collectors. And I lose them. And I hate carrying them. I would never spend over $50 on a bag. Listening to other people rave about the newest Coach bag that’s coming out makes me gag. Especially when I have to go to the website to find a good pic and I find out they name their collections “Poppy” and “Mia” and “Alexandra.” How.fucking.pretentious? Blek.

Wicked nice feeling on the ass. I swear.

Clothes. I don’t like clothes. I do like buying fall sweaters, tank tops and sweatpants, but that’s about it. (highlighting my current favorite pair of sweats in the pic) I would rather be pantless and I hate bras and socks make my feet sweat.

I do not wear a jacket if it’s above 50 degrees and I don’t find them interesting enough to make focal centerpieces and considering most have zippers and buttons, two things I despise almost as much as I hate belts. And I don’t find jackets that useful, unless you consider that I can usually put my hands in the pockets, which I like.

What a vision

Makeup. Eh. The only makeup I like is mascara because otherwise I look tired. The only makeup I buy because I have to is that concealer for that black eye thing I have under my right eye but that’s only because I don’t like people looking at me like someone smashed me in the face. Because they didn’t.

So, instead, what are the five things I’M obsessed with?

Paper. To be more specific, 100% handmade cotten notebooks. I used to waste my time sitting in the office dreaming about gifts from Papersource or Papyrus but then one day, while in Paris, I saw a stationery shop and had to run in to take a peek. Aaaaah, Paris. You never fail me. Paris is where I found the paper of Le Thé des Ecrivains. It is beautiful paper, made for the gliding of ink and the scattering of thoughts both worthless and brilliant. I bought 4 notebooks while I was there and now I’m almost out and so thank god they have a site. I can’t just up and go to Paris for paper. Mmm, I could, but that’d be a bit much, no? So. If you love paper as much as I do, check it out.

Flip-flops. I consider myself to be a connoisseur about some things and flip-flops happens to be one of them. I do enjoy a good pair of JCrew or Banana flops. Reef is pretty solid and Rainbow always catches my eye. However, as of last year, I have a hands down favorite in Havaianas. I will never buy another (unless emergency) pair of non-Havaianas flops again. They are magical, sturdy and cooooomfy.

Chapsticks. At any given time, you can check my (hated) purse and find at least 6 different brands and flavors of chapstick. Orange is my favorite. Orange, orange crush, orange sherbert. I also own kiwi, raspberry, any type of Blistex b/c it’s winter, pots of melon goo, regular, watermelon, and any other brand and flavor you could expect to find in a 12 year old’s backpack. I come prepared. I do not like lips that look crazy.

Writing utensils.
The pencil of choice has already been discussed but I do have a favorite pen. In fact, I saw it for the first time in 6 months in the shopette and so I bought the whole damned shipment. I figure for my sanity, it was worth the $30 in pens.

Because I'm that insane that pens matter.

Things that are green. Notebooks, teeshirts, trees, peppers, sweatshirts, paint, stationary, picture frames, boxes and other office storage items. And grass. I really love grass…but the lawn variety, not the drug. Anyway, all things green win my approval.

So. There’s my random “favorites” post of the week. And I’ll leave you with my second favorite song of today (Dog Days are Over), as I jammed my way through Monday and you should too. Enjoy!

2 thoughts on “Shizer Mondays

  1. unapologeticmoxie says:

    When I get more from the store, I will get you some. I’m heading to Armenia next week. I’ll see if the host nation can bring me to a stationary shop and see how the Eastern Europeans like their stationary. 🙂

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