Evil gnomes of Germany

So we finally made an appearance at our local pub to check it out the week of NYE. It is a FANTASTIC place, which we have already renamed The Woody Hollow. I have no idea what the real name is. I do know they have a huge, blow-up snowman hanging from the building and the place inside looks like a real-life tree house.

Fipsy is the bad-ass German biker/bartender that owns the place. He’s German but his English is divine, and considering we tipped him 15 euro the first night we visited, I think we’re his new, favorite locals. Just a guess, considering we live in a country that doesn’t tip, ever.

Anyway, the place is a dream. It’s warm and cozy and the interior is all wood–real wood. Real tree trunks and branches and leaves, which those are fake but who cares. The door to the bathroom is one of those swinging numbers like in an old style saloon and in the corner is a jukebox that plays American songs all night long. It’s so great and so perfect that even we feel badly, like we’re cheating on our friends at the Frisky Pony in evil town.

Evil. Speaking of evil.

So there we are, sitting there mesmerized the first night and we’re looking all around at all the pictures and antiques and German trinkets they have everywhere and I glance in the corner at the old Jagermeister machine and holy good fuck what in the hell have we got here?

Oh, just another day in Germany

Yeah. Right? And yes, he’s doing what you think he’s doing. Who knew gnomes of the evil variety existed. I suppose he is a German gnome, so this actually makes complete sense. No, seriously, I’m not fucking around. He IS a German gnome.


So I have no idea how Fipsy got this. My Mr. H says I cannot ask him yet. We have to wait until we’re better friends. I honestly have no clue why I have to be good friends with a German to ask him why he loves the bad man with the mustache, but FINE. He seems to think it’ll keep us out of trouble but I highly doubt that. Once you drop the H bomb and things seem to go south fast. Which is really kind of fucked up considering I.didn’t.kill.anyone.

I will ask next month, though. You can be sure of that.