So, I found out something new today and you are all going to LOVE.THIS. Not only is it useful information, but ammunition to rag on me for a very long time because I’ll admit, this story makes me look like a goddamned moron. With the lowest IQ on EARTH. And no college degree. Like I should maybe be in an assisted living home. Yeah, it’s kind of that bad today.
And, this is getting to be a trend. I’m getting scared for myself. I would do something about it if I wasn’t so damned amused by myself.
Here is a phone conversation I had last month:
“Yes, ma’am. We can change the password on your bank account. Can you please spell me the name of your town?” I am calling the bank on post, meaning most tellers are former military or spouses.
“Sure. Steinenbronn. S as in Santa. T as in taco. E for England. I as in igloo. N for Nancy. E for excited. N for no. B as in baby. R for rabbit. O as in Oscar. N for napkin. N for Nancy again.” That was slightly stressful having to think of that many words for letters but I was proud that I made it through.
She was silent on the other end. Then she cleared her throat. “Ok then, Heather. Umm, thank you very much. We’ll change that today.”
I thought nothing of it. Until today. Here’s today’s conversation with my Mr. H. I’m asking him to change my password on my account so I can access my work files.
“I’ll need the code taped to your computer,” he says.
“Ok.” I read it to him, letters and numbers, with no words tacked on.
He starts to read it back to me, but messes up the L saying, “Zulu. Lima, lima.”
“No,” I interrupt. “Zero. Lion. Katie.”
“What did you say?” he asks and laughs.
“Zero. Lion. Katie.” I have no idea why this is funny.
“You mean, Zulu. Lima. Kilo.” He is using the “you’re a moron” voice for no reason.
“No. That’s not what I meant. But how in the hell do you all always choose Kilo? Jesus.” I thought all military personnel just thought of the same word. I am PRETTY.
“Oh my god. There is a list. You didn’t think that really, did you?” He sends me the list, which I have provided for everyone.
Military Phonetic Alphabet
“Yes, I did. S is usually Santa and K is Katie and oh, last month I had this conversation where the woman must have thought I was a fucking idiot.” I tell him about the conversation with the bank person.
“Yes, I’m sure she thinks you’re an idiot.”
Today, I’d have to agree.