The very useful Military Alphabet

So, I found out something new today and you are all going to LOVE.THIS. Not only is it useful information, but ammunition to rag on me for a very long time because I’ll admit, this story makes me look like a goddamned moron. With the lowest IQ on EARTH. And no college degree. Like I should maybe be in an assisted living home. Yeah, it’s kind of that bad today.

And, this is getting to be a trend. I’m getting scared for myself. I would do something about it if I wasn’t so damned amused by myself.

Here is a phone conversation I had last month:

“Yes, ma’am. We can change the password on your bank account. Can you please spell me the name of your town?” I am calling the bank on post, meaning most tellers are former military or spouses.

“Sure. Steinenbronn. S as in Santa. T as in taco. E for England. I as in igloo. N for Nancy. E for excited. N for no. B as in baby. R for rabbit. O as in Oscar. N for napkin. N for Nancy again.” That was slightly stressful having to think of that many words for letters but I was proud that I made it through.

She was silent on the other end. Then she cleared her throat. “Ok then, Heather. Umm, thank you very much. We’ll change that today.”

I thought nothing of it. Until today. Here’s today’s conversation with my Mr. H. I’m asking him to change my password on my account so I can access my work files.

“I’ll need the code taped to your computer,” he says.

“Ok.” I read it to him, letters and numbers, with no words tacked on.

He starts to read it back to me, but messes up the L saying, “Zulu. Lima, lima.”

“No,” I interrupt. “Zero. Lion. Katie.”

“What did you say?” he asks and laughs.

“Zero. Lion. Katie.” I have no idea why this is funny.

“You mean, Zulu. Lima. Kilo.” He is using the “you’re a moron” voice for no reason.

“No. That’s not what I meant. But how in the hell do you all always choose Kilo? Jesus.” I thought all military personnel just thought of the same word. I am PRETTY.

“Oh my god. There is a list. You didn’t think that really, did you?” He sends me the list, which I have provided for everyone.

Military Phonetic Alphabet
Letter -Word
A Alpha
B Bravo
C Charlie
D Delta
E Echo
F Foxtrot
G Golf
H Hotel
I India
J Juliett
K Kilo
L Lima
M Mike
N November
O Oscar
P Papa
Q Quebec
R Romeo
S Sierra
T Tango
U Uniform
V Victor
W Whiskey
X X-ray
Y Yankee
Z Zulu

“Yes, I did. S is usually Santa and K is Katie and oh, last month I had this conversation where the woman must have thought I was a fucking idiot.” I tell him about the conversation with the bank person.

“Yes, I’m sure she thinks you’re an idiot.”

Today, I’d have to agree.

2 thoughts on “The very useful Military Alphabet

  1. Judy says:

    Nearly peed my pants laughing at this one! Favorite blog to date but confident that you’ll top it someday…

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