I swear. There can never be a situation where I show up somewhere or meet someone and I just blend in and go unnoticed. In all fairness, I usually try to get some sort of attention most of the time. I enjoy meeting people and I just love entertaining and I don’t see the value in being boring so whatever. However. There is a time and a place to make a scene and yesterday was neither.
Last week we get an email telling us some VIP is going to be strolling through our building around 11am so make sure our doors look nice and be on call, which really just means either be ready to stand in the hall for an hour waiting for someone who usually doesn’t want to meet you OR carry about your business and don’t be a pain in the ass in the hall. And the door thing? We were in the middle of prepping the doors for the Christmas holiday door contest, something I will never understand or get behind (I know. I am no fun). Grown adults, wrapping their doors and discussing who gets to the be the elf and why don’t we have enough bows on the door? Good god.
SO ANYWAY. Yesterday we get an email that the VIP is the BIG BOSS, the biggest one I’ve ever had without having the luxury of meeting him, and that he is running late but he will be in the hall and to be ready at 11. Well, fancy that. Lucky me, I am wearing my grey turtleneck dress and pretty tights, my hair looks less nest-ish than usual and I am wearing lipstick. So actually I should say lucky for him.
Now. The BIG BOSS (who I will not name because I do not need to be fired) is kinda a big deal around here. And the world. He’s the (and this will be in code for again, the purposes of keeping my job) Bestest Working With People That Are Not Enemies Leader of the Continent I Live In. OFAWHOLECONTINENT. So he’s someone you’d like to meet and while doing so, not make a complete ass out of yourself.
And not smack with a door. Which I almost did.
So I was going to be ready for 11am but then The King, one of my coworkers, comes in and says he’s in the building and be out right now. Well, look. Now is not 11am which is what the email said and I had to blow my nose and finish an email and so I waited and then next thing I know my office is empty and I hear laughing in the halls and so I hurry on out and choose the middle door to bust out of, and like I’m some contestant on Let’s Make a Deal, I choose the wrong door.
As I fling open the door, I smack my girl NP in the back, sending her teetering forward, almost right smack into Lord Farquaad, which is who the BIG BOSS kinda looks like, and then I look up and he’s right there. Oh good god, why are we inches apart and why do I always pick the wrong door??? So he was just STANDING THERE RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME he scared me so I jumped, like I was totally caught off guard, even though I WAS heading out there to meet him.
“Well, hello there. Happy Holidays,” he says and sticks out his hand.
I gave him my best firm handshake and looked him right in the eye. Woulda made my Dad proud, as we hate people with dead fish handshakes. Means you can’t be trusted.
“Well, hello (insert his title), sir. This is a bit awkward. Er, I’m so sorry. It’s very nice to meet you.” I meant it. It was great to meet him but it wasn’t going exactly how I had planned in my head. Yes, I had already planned it in my head. We’d meet, he’d love my sunny disposition and fantastic sense of humor and before you could say promotion, I’d be in his fancy little headquarters office in no time. DELUUUUUUUUUUTIONAL, much? Why, yes.
Anyway, back to reality. Good god, everyone in my whole division was looking at me, most laughing, including the General and his COS. What.a.disaster.
“Oh, no problem. I was just getting ready to address the team.” and then he carried on, blabbity blah, shook a few more hands, wished everyone a happy holiday and he was off to spread more Official Holiday Cheer.
Then I got a hard time for almost taking out the most important person on base, for causing a scene, for being generally ridiculous. But then I was thanked for always making things interesting and keeping things light and for being memorable.
So, I win and I met him finally. Happy CE holidays to me.
**To anyone I work with or know through CE, if you forward this to anyone and name this person, AND GET ME FIRED, I will find you and it will not be pretty. Thank you.