In case anyone cares, here are a few things that I’m crushing on this week, followed by a few things that can go to hell. Enjoy.
1. Junior Masterchef and KIDS THAT HUG. Since we don’t have TV at home (AFN is awful and I will not allow such nonsense to pollute my house), we download movies and TV shows of substance. (Lately: The Office, Master Chef of all varieties and Mad Men) Ok, for real. Junior Masterchef. These kids are between 8-12 and they are killing it in the kitchen. Two nights ago I watched them all cook an original recipe with duck off the top of their head and I was in.awe. I mean, seriously. Do you want to know what I made my husband for dinner last night??? (to follow) And the hugging part? God, these kids are adorable. This little girl Lucy (brown hair) hugs the blonde one every single time she gets excited, whether it be for herself or for her friends. Awww, that is just so.cute.
2. Um FISH STICKS. And not just any fish sticks. Introducing the ultimate in crunchy, white fish goodness, a fan-favorite in our house and WHAT I MADE MY HUSBAND FOR DINNER LAST NIGHT. Seriously, my Mr. H brought them home months ago and I am in luuuuv. Please take note: My love of fish sticks. Yet another reason (probably coupled with my chicken finger obsession) that I am going to be.a.great.mother. Word.
3. Dogs in drag. Seriously, I love browsing funny blogs in my down time. What is funnier than dogs in costume? Almost nothing. Check it out. http://www.fwi.co.uk/blogs/lincolnshire-farming-blog/2008/08/penultimate-dogs-in-drag-day-1.html
4. Air in can keyboard duster thing. Oh, you simple little pleasure. You light up my life and if only someone bought me a box of this stuff for Christmas, I would clean my keyboard with you every day. This would mean I could up my chip intake at my desk because CRUMBS? Who cares about crumbs when you can just blast that shit off two seconds after eating. This can of air makes me so.disturbingly.happy.
Things I could do without
1. Christmas cards. I think I might do one of those “Our 2010” tacky as shit family newsletters instead, which is probably the grossest thing I’ll ever do but easier and faster. That and I spent $36 dollars on 32 Christmas cards that are ugly because it’s all that was in English and who knows what the Germans are wishing on each other on their cards. Ugh. Christmas cards are stressful.
2. Americans living abroad that make me hate Americans and also force me to pretend I’m Canadian. First, we all know how I feel about Canada. Don’t make me pretend I’m Canadian. Please dear fuck. Now. Here is a very simple conversation I had the other day with someone at work that brought me to this.
Him: “What’s up with the German pizza here?”
Me: “Considering the German pizza is made by either Italians or Turks, I have no idea what you’re talking about. It’s fine.”
Him: “It’s not good. It’s weird.” I’m getting annoyed because all he does is talk nonsense and it pisses me off.
Me: “What does that even mean? Pizza is pizza.”
Him: “Well…it’s not Dominos. It’s foreign pizza.”
Holy fuck. All pizza is foreign. And he said, “it’s not Dominos.” I hate his type of American behavior. It makes me want to smack my face off my desk. So.Embarassing.
3. Purple-haired, insane, slimy as fuck landlords. The nasty Trunchbull is at it again. Today I’m informed she’s suing us for 10,000 euro which is like 8 million pots of gold over here. Now, seriously. I am well beyond LOSEMYSHIT. I am in stages 2 and 3 of the Heather meltdown series which means I’m now at levels “Sedate by Pino” and “Deep breathing to avoid breaking EVERYTHING IN MY PATH.” Seriously. GETMESOMEMOREMOTHERFUCKINGVINO.
And lastly, 4. Another Christmas where everyone forgot how the post office works and how far Germany is from the states. WICKED.DISAPPOINTING.