High-pitched voices make me giggle

And not just any high-pitched voice. The voice of David Sedaris, who I often find as funny in person as in his books. Well, not in person-in person because that just hasn’t happened yet and when it does, DEAR WORLD, YOU.WILL.KNOW, but when I see him occasionally on TV.

Which is here, this month on Jon Stewart, pointed out so very thoughtfully by my Mr. H.


So two things:
1. Who is going to buy me his new book and mail it to me for Christmas??? Thank you in advance.

2. I want to know when gay men turn on the voice. And don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. That voice gay men use (maybe we shouldn’t take Sedaris as the exact example I was hoping to use because he is almost at white noise level BUT STILL) is NOT the voice they were born with. And it’s not the voice they were using when trying to trick the free world into thinking they were banging straight chicks while at the same time figuring out the equation of water+cigarrettes=skinny pant success while in the glitter isle at Target. Bitch, please.

So to find out the secret, I asked my focus group, “Resident gay men for the Chronicles” to weigh in and let me know where this begins, when, and how they each craft their fabulous voices that are like little cherubs singing in my ears. Because let’s be honest. Elton John may look gay as a lark but he doesn’t quite sound like Jack from Will & Grace and T.J. Knight does not sound like RuPaul.

Here is what one FABULOUS member of my focus group had to say:
I feel I keep it at a pretty consistent level of gay but not fairy. There are some guys who lisp it up like it is their job. They definitely annoy the rest of the gays who try to stay away from the glitter-wearing gogo-dancing image that is portrayed by so many of those guys. I think the only time I really gay it up is when I am at work (at H&M) and a straight girl asks for my opinion and wants to be dressed by me. Then, my wrist breaks in 12 different places and I can fly away with my fairy wings and glitter.”

Holy shit, he said breaks in 12 different places, glitter and fairy wings in the same sentence. Wow. That really makes my day. And I thought I had nothing really to talk about.