28 Reasons I Love My Sister

There are more than twenty-eight reasons, but today is Katie’s 28th birthday and so we’ll only go over 28…..Since she already got her gifts from me this week before I left, I’ll use this as her birthday card, because I forgot to leave one behind. And because I like to embarrass her in public sometimes.

So today, on Monday, October 25, happy, happy, wicked happy birthday to you, Katie, Bugs, Keeks, Smitty, Gidget, KEW, best sister a gal could ever have. Today I gift back to you all the gifts you’ve already given to me….a few of the many, many reasons I love, love, love you. More than grilled cheese. More than my new Patriots sweats. More than filled up ice-cube trays. More.than.(shhh)Moxie. So here we go!

1. You believe in me. Even when no one else does. Even when I say things like, No, I swear, I’m sleeping in my car in the woods by myself and I’m scared of the dark. And then I cry and then you cry and then I forget I’m scared and I just remember I love you.

2. Half the time you believe everything I say, or you used to. Like the times I told you my feet smelled like strawberries and then kicked you in the face when you smelled them. Or when I said the mud pie we made was actually chocolate pie and so you ate it and then I got slapped on the ass for making you swallow a pound of sand.

3. You took one for the team by having nappy hair. Let’s not get huffy, though. You did get the tits and the legs. That makes you spoiled.

4. You are the world’s best secret keeper. Nothing I will ever tell you will shock you. Or bore you. I may horrify you, but you’ll keep it to yourself.

5. You are always brutally honest with me. Like the time you told me I was the definition of a sociopath. Or all the times you’ve told me I look awful. Or that I’m an asshole. Or that I’m an awful looking, asshole of a sociopath.

6. You take care of little kids and old people, both of which are my worst nightmare. And you like it. And you care so much that when they are sick or don’t wake up the next day, you cry and take it personally. Then you go to work the next shift and save someone’s life.

7. People trust you to save them. I’d trust you to save me. You’d have a lot working against you, but I’d still trust you.

8. You have little hands with long and pretty fingers. Your fingers were meant for rings. My digits look like that of a Hobbit. You win.

9. When you laugh your eyes twinkle and the edges of your eyes crinkle up, which is lucky because it’s better than a forehead crinkle, which is what I got.

10. You know every disease, ailment, medicine, treatment, dosage and early indicator there is on the planet. That means you’re really smart. Learning all that the year Dad died when your head was kinda crazy makes you really smart. And driven. And motivated.

11. You always let me be the boss. The boss of the barbies, of the tree fort, of the bus stop, of pretty much everything. I never even had anything to barter with. You just always played nicer than I did.

12. You’re creative. You’re really good with a glue stick and some glitter and candles, picture frames, you name it. Your best attempt at creativity, though, was the time I slept with those cloth dolls we got for Christmas and I drooled all over it and washed its face off in the middle of the night. It was you that offered we color it back in with markers and crayons. It didn’t work but it was brilliant at the time.

13. Even though you are the innocent one, you have some great stories that I have logged in case you ever turn on me. Which I’m sure you will. And then I will unleash to the world the value of a bobsled race and a supply of tubesocks. Your secret stories make me laugh until I want to throw up.

14. You’re a scrapper. Remember the time, during the middle of a family dinner, you jumped at me and ripped the shirt off my head, tossing it into the snow, only to leave me topless and foaming at the mouth in front of our whole family? Just because I said the magic word of the week that I knew would set you off? That was a great night. I should have started calling you Pitbull a long time ago.

15. We’ve mastered that speak with your eye thing. We are beyond good at it. In fact, we could not speak for a whole week but log at least 93 million conversations at the same time if you go by the secret, speak with your eyes to mock and trick people, method. Oh we are so good.

16. You are going to be a great wife and mother. I think you use coupons. And you actually watch your dog when he’s outside. And you buy your fiance what he likes at the store. And you help him make his lunch. And your house is a home. And when I’m home you treat me like I’m a guest at the Ritz. You’re really pretty selfless. I wonder where you got that from.

17. You know me better than anyone. Hence the reason on days you know I’m bullshit, upset or potentially commitable, you don’t call and say stupid shit like, “How are you? Are you ok? What’s wrong?” You also know to call me on days I’m really excited so that you can listen to me ramble for an hour without stopping. You’re pretty patient. I’ve always liked that about you. 🙂

18. You’re really strong. I bet you can still beat me an in arm wrestling competition. And I know you can do more push-ups than I can. And I really do know that you’re the other strong. The kind of strong that remains standing when the storm is over.

19. We can do ridiculous things like naked spray tan together. And I believe you that the only reason you’re laughing is because my legs are shaking and I am spitting brown toxic tanning juice, not because I’m naked and shaking around demanding you rub down my ass and make sure my back and neck don’t streak. That’s sisterly love.

20. You hold my hand when I need it and you punch me on the arm when I deserve it. Sometimes you punch me on the arm and then hold my hand. I love you for both.
21. You already know the art of taking a good photo. Tits up, side stance, gang sign and open mouth. Perfection.

21. You are happy with what you have. You are not searching for the next best thing. You are grateful and thankful and you will always make the most of what you have and find the bright side of everything. I like that the world doesn’t always have to be a complicated drama for you to be happy.

22. You make me laugh until my stomach hurts, until I cry, until I almost pee myself. You are hysterically funny and you don’t even try. Funny isn’t even your thing. That usually means you’re extra funny.

23. You’re the exact opposite of me. You will avoid a social situation at any cost and you’d rather wipe someone’s ass or feed them through a tube than give a speech on socialism or the state of our country’s economy. I can write circles around you, but while I do, you’re probably delivering a baby. You are grounded. I am out of control. You are beautiful. I am funny. You are selfless and I am the definition of selfish. You are my better half, and if I wasn’t already married, I’d just stay single and grow old with you, in that creepy, why is your middle-aged sister still living with us, type way. 🙂

24. Your driving will forever be worse than mine. Like a ride through hell. Like sometimes if you’re in the passenger seat, you calculate if you have a better chance at survival by throwing yourself out the moving car, tucking and rolling for safety. I like that only your driving skills make mine better. Otherwise, I was in the running for Worst Driver Ever. Thank you.

25. When everything is really bad, you understand why wishing on stars and hoping for magic seems reasonable. And you do it with me.

26. You will always be the other half of the Smith sisters. You are also the only person on this earth that would tattoo the same thing on your body.

27. You’re just a nice person. You’re sweet and you’re thoughtful and you’re sensitive. You’re all the adjectives I am not and sometimes I wish I was a bit softer, like you. Not soft like chubby, soft like fuzzy, like a kitten. In case you needed the clarification.

28. You are my very, very best friend. I’m lucky I didn’t have to go find one. Mom gave you to me when I was three. At the time, I thought you were a pretty terrible and loud birthday gift, not to mention you pretty much ruined my birthday week, but ehhh, that’s all behind us. 27 years later, I think you’re pretty great. The best, in fact.

Happy Birthday, Katie. I love love love you more than anything in this WHOLE WORLD.

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