Life at 31, godless womb and all

Today, on my most favorite day of the year, I am 31. Normally I get really annoying on my birthday, announcing it to everyone and calling people who haven’t called me yet just to see how their day at work is going. I don’t care about anyone’s day. I never even listen to anything they say until I hear the word HAPPY. I am awful. I am forever 6 on my birthday.

Not this birthday, though. This birthday I am just content. I am happy and I have had a HUGE month and a crazy year last year and lots to look forward to next year and so all I really want today is a snuggle, a nap and dinner with my family. I mean I did get some new glasses, new Pats sweats, a new fancy ring and a new last name. Not too shabby for 31, right?

So today I had planned on writing about all I learned in my 30th year but turns out that is going to take a while so we’ll save that post for a reflective Sunday, when I have enough time to post some words of wisdom. Or when I have time to post the, I’m in my 30s and still have no idea what I’m doing in life, list. (it keeps getting longer, if that’s even possible) Then I thought I’d post about what I’m looking forward to at 31, but that’s pretty easy. More traveling, a new house, a kid, who knows. Yes, I said the word kid, but no worries. No rush and here’s why. My husband wants no part of putting a child in my godless womb. Which for the record isn’t all my fault. He MAKES me be social 6 days a week and there is a long list of people who drive me to drink. Oh and I hate the gym. So maybe some of it is my fault. TBD.

So here’s a conversation I had with the Mr. today over iced coffee while running errands– (ON MY BIRTHDAY, no less) which was fitting and comical.

“So. Maybe today I’ll take the bc out, we can have some sexy time and I’ll get knocked up on my birthday. That’d be nice, right?” I am a hopeless romantic.

“Don’t you think we should be a little more healthy? I might want to go to the gym a few times first.” He is being practical, and yes, I could use a few gym sessions, primarily because it’s probably not reasonable or comfortable to wear shapewear for 9 months. Or is it brilliant? Yes! I almost forgot! This reminds me that I have been intrigued by those jeans got attacked by stretchpants things for years. They have always looked so comfortable and fun, hanging in the, It’s ok you’re fat if only from the front, Maternity Store, that I’ve passed a few times in the mall. I am 31 and getting excited about pregnant girl pants on my birthday. Ugh. I remember we are having a conversation about something most people consider really important.

“And maybe drink some water and eat some vegetables first? I suppose it’s not best to put a baby in this oven.” I look at my stomach, picture what my organs look like and make a face. “Yeah, maybe we wait. We don’t want this child to hate us too early.”

“Yeah, let’s wait. Putting a child in that womb is about as smart as dropping a child off in the airport smoking room. Maybe next month.” Ahhhh, my husband. Always the voice of reason.

And then we laughed until our stomachs hurt. And then ten minutes later we ate leftover chinese takeout. 🙂

So I meant to also post about better Heather resolutions (I just give up, really. The laziness always wins.) and how we eloped last year in Denmark because I cannot discuss the wedding I just had without discussing the wedding from last year because I hate working backwards but the whole filthy womb thing was much easier to get out and it’s my birthday and it’s also nap time.

Lastly, for the record, I love my thirties.