Full-time resident of Deustchland and summertime goals

So I have officially lived in Germany for a FULL YEAR!  Wooo hooo, I made it!  Not that I had any concerns about my survival in the land of bier, brats, brot and hags, but you never know what could happen when you move across the world. 

So I figure I’m almost officially European at this point, which is great in a, I might get the EU flag tattooed on myself somewhere, type way.  I just love it here.  If it were up to me, I’d probably never move home, just stay here, country hopping for life.  Granted, I’d vacation more back in the States, but I heart Europe.  People are happier.  The land is cleaner.  The jobs are great and in a weekend, I can go to France, Austria AND Switzerland if I wanted to.  Sooo, we are here for five years and I not so secretly want to be a lifer.  True story.

I do want to note that though I have lived here a year, the only communication I can do still is at pub or maybe to a dog and I know, that isn’t impressive at all, I know.  I’m pretty ashamed but really, with all the work travel I do, I just can’t take a class right now…Maybe in October.  Besides, I do know some things.  I can ask for beer, a taxi, lemons, garlic, explain how I want my pizza made.  I know how are you, good night, I love you, a few swears.  I know how to say scholar and pine cone and I’m well aware that shower is douche, due to that whole hospital incident where I used the janitor’s closet to wash myself.  I think that’s about it, as the German doesn’t just grow on you and I am still considering taking up French.  Such a pretty language.  Or Serbia Croatian, which will come in handy when I move there next.  (Serbia, Bosnia, Montenegro, who knows)  Anyway….

So we’re right smack in the middle of July and the summer is just flying by and I realize I had not made or announced my summertime goals.  Goal making is like my love of list making.  I can make lists about lists and goal lists are my favorite, unless it’s New Years and then I’m not the biggest fan because of the pressure behind it all.  However, summertime goals are FUN.   Now, these are not my goals in life.  Let’s just clear that up.  They are my goals, though.  I just wouldn’t want anyone to think that if completed, life is complete because, well jesus, I do have some ambition.  So here are a few.

1. Make wicked mojitos for my next cookout.  I have no idea what the sugar to mint to booze ratio should be and I doubt the Walton-Kanes are going to give me their secret recipe and so I have decided that by end of summer, I am going to master my own mojito adventure. Nothing says summer like a nice, cold mojito down the throat.


So this should pretty much explain it.  Leg. Over. Head.  It’s not like I want to be one of those carny contortionists, though they are my favorite act in Cirque.  The contortionists always take it too far, like in that move where they’re lying on their own chin and both legs are bent over their head and it looks like their jage is going to snap straight in half.  Eh. Painful.  I don’t want that.  I just want to be able to pull my leg over my head and stand there.  I should mention my fascination with this move stems from that hideous film The Descent I was once made to watch.  The only good part about it was that husband stealing athlete stretching her leg over her head at the log cabin. I don’t know if I was in awe or having a lesbian moment but either way, it was inspirational and I think I can master this one by the first of September.  I’m pretty flexible as it is.  No balance, but flexible.

And no, it’s not to be used in a sex trick, either. 

3.  I need to use my dusty food processor and I want to figure out how to make the world’s best guac.  I’ve never even bought an avocado but I feel like if I made something in the food processor, it’d be good practice for using the fantastic mixer I got at my shower last week.  Yesssssssss, I got the pistachio colored mixer.  I imagine there is no end to what I can make with this mixer.  Maybe even this guac.  I think it’s just avocado, lemon, garlic, oil and tomato.  Can’t be that hard.   And just look at it.  I could eat BUCKETS of this stuff.

So there.  Three simple goals of the summer–one drink related, one recipe and one trick to master by fall that could potentially put me in the hospital.

Now, a blast from the past, my summer goal for the past two years:

THE FREEZE.  Fucking awesome.  I said to my friend Peter today, how fucking awesome is this and explained my desire to be able to drop the freeze anywhere I so desire.  He looked at me like I was a moron and said,

On a scale of 1-?

Yes, on a scale. 

a 4 for awesomeness so not that awesome, really. 

Then he looked at me like I was mental and went back to talking on the phone. 

His lack of enthusiasm will not stop me, though.  It is clear to me that I could win ANY and all dance-offs with this one simple move and that is very important to me.

So, add the FREEZE back to my list.  I’ll build up these biceps if it kills me.  I told him I’ll be able to do it by September, with the hopes that I’ll probably perform it at some country celebration.  Awesome INDEED.

And lastly, I am sad for the Germans today.  The game last night was terrible and boring and disappointing and we’ve considered driving to Spain to watch the game but ugh, I just don’t know if I can do the 12 hour drive.  Actually with no loyalty to either team, lots of work to do and the pool calling, I have decided.  There will be no Spain for me….

Until later.