Germany v. Argentina: It’s gametime, bitches

So normally I can get behind the home team easily.  And since my team is out of the World Cup, second choice would naturally be to support zi Germans, right?  Mmmm, on the fence. 

It’s not like they don’t deserve it.  They have one of the best (and youngest) football teams in the world.  Captain Obvious, I know.  It’s just that sometimes I find it hard to get behind the Germans.  Not only is this team kind of unattractive, which is unfortunately important to me in a very shallow, I like watching men in short shorts run fast, type way, but also, when the Germans gather in groups, I find it hard not to consider and evaluate the level of evil I could be dealing with.  I mean to be honest, if we were dealing with a bunch of German women kicking balls in a group, I would not even consider supporting them, those nasty, nosey, judgmental hags.  But the German men, I can’t decide.

But is it smart to cheer on Argentina at a German biergarten?  Um, no.  It’s probably about as smart as filling your windows with menorahs in December.  And the biergarten we’re going to in Stuttgart is going to be insane and full of drunk Germans.  Now the typical drunk German is usually pretty happy, but there’s no telling what could happen if I painted the Argentinian flag on my face.  And I do love a little face paint.

Now, we could choose which team based just on flags, that’s a fun game.  Isn’t the Argentina flag pretty?  What a  nice little flag they’ve got themselves.  And the German flag, it’s a strong flag, but black, really?  Black as your first color, most likely meaning evil.  I don’t understand and if I had time I’d look up the symbolism but for the most part, we’ll just hate on zi Germans because that’s easy and no one is really going to make me explain myself.  So if it were by flags, I’d be cheering for Argentina.

So Argentina has better looking men, a prettier flag and are favored to win. 

And so I will choose Germany, for three reasons.  1.  I like to pick the underdog.  2.  I do live here and it wouldn’t be right not to cheer for them.  3.  I would  just fear for my own life at a biergarten if they were to lose.

So at 4pm my time today, I will be in a biergarten filled with probably 1,000 Germans, in 95 degree heat and sun, near heat exhaustion, drunk, drunk, drunk on Pils and screaming my little face painted face off. 

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DEUTSCHERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!