the TB report, Results

I am TB free! This is good for a few reasons–they can’t keep me here for a month longer, it proves I haven’t been banging convicts or licking poles, and I don’t have to go steroids for six months, though I was willing to take part in that experiment for no other reason than boredom.

The white coats came in at 7am to give me my medicine and tea. At 8am they came back again, for more blood, which has me under the impression that I’m being used to feed Germanic vampires, but then again, maybe I’ve just seen too much True Blood. The blood giving went all wrong, as it always does. The more they jabbed, the more I started to sweat. After ten minutes of finding no veins, I knew what I was in for. I could feel it in my throat. My ears popped and I could see the blackness and with one more jab to the top of the hand, I threw up my tea on the table and passed out. Then I cried like a sally and put myself back to bed.

This is really getting old. I look like I have track marks. My hair looks like birds live it in and you’d think a tb hospital stay would be a great jump start to bathing suit season but those blasted peanut butter cups I’ve stashed have limited my loss to seven pounds, which any old flu could have managed. Boo.

At the very least, my liver is confused but ecstatic. Selfish liver, considering its one month til spring(beer)fest…ugh.

That’s all for now…