the TB report. day 1

Thank god for wordpress and blackberries. If I have to be here for 7 days, everyone else is going to be in here with me. And the posting is going to be excessive, but for now, its all I have. Also, I don’t have spell check or patience so this could all come out looking crazy. Who knows. Let’s begin.

Song of the day: Feel it All. The Feist.

Today, 9-10:30am

I didn’t sleep last night because the old bags hacked all night and there was no chance of comfort with my iv and twin bed. This iv thing in my arm is annoying and would prevent any interest in a heroine addiction, not that I have one. Just looking at my taped up arm makes me sick. That and I had a little iv disaster this morning.

I had to answer my phone but was hooked up to my med bag so I just ripped it off its handle, hung it over my own head like mistletoe with my free hand and talked on the phone by the window. All seemed fine until I realized blood was shooting out into my iv and pushing against my meds. Guess that’s why they don’t want you hanging your own meds over your head. Lesson learned. I hit the red button and my nurse appeared and all was fixed.

Today’s nurse, by the way, is British Tina. I guess its British Tina by day and Frau Heidi by night. Both are nice, I suppose, but considering I’m playing a little game of, “The Germans have captured the Queen of Sarajevo” game in my head, I’m forced to find Frau Heidi suspect. Eh, it passes the time.

Holy fuck, this cannot be happening to me. They are bathing hag 1 in the bed next to me with sponges. Hag 2 has bolted upright and both hags and a german nurse are aggressively chattering on about something angry sounding, perhaps just the weather. Oh dear fucking god, I’m too young to be involved ina group sponge bath. I am clearly being punished for a number of things, just what, I’m not sure of.

That’s it. This sponge bathing in daylight thing has pushed me over the edge. I will only be able to discuss my stay here in the only way I know how…brutal, honest, unforgiving truth, exaggerated as it may be. And since I’m in rough shape, anything I say that’s too over the top will be blamed on medicine and sickness. Oh dear god, she’s being bathed on her stomach. I want to cry. Surely I’m not next.

Couple more things.

It wouldn’t kill them to slow down with the needles. I have arms like a dainty china doll (I do) and no one back home can ever find my veins. In fact, when I was ten, I was told that I was the reason the butterfly needle was created. Now, I don’t want to take credit for the least scary needle in the toolbox, but still…well, screw me. They don’t even know about that needle. ,o, they just whipped me with that elastic tube, strapped me down, tapped me three times and jabbed me with something mean looking. And so that was blackout number one.

I never said I could handle the sight of my own blood.

The second time I almost passed out was when I realized that I peed apple cider, or so it appeared. It was either that or the pregnancy test propped up on said cider cup. What the fuck?? A little warning?? The doctor announced I was still without child (clearly), clapped like a seal and smiled at me like a creep. That was blackout number two.

And then blackout number 3 was when they made me take off my shirt and lean up all sexy like against the xray machine. Fuck it, no need for those heavy xray bibs like back home. Just tits, metal and enough radiation to kill whatever you might be smuggling within.

I almost keeled over topless but grabbed for my shirt, envisioning what I’d look like lying on the floor, topless AND with a cracked head. Instead, I made it semi-topless to the toilet, where my eyes went black as I layed down the on cold (and very sterile) floor.

I am so pretty. Any takers this week? 🙂

So that’s 3 blackouts in 24 hours. And in 24 hours, that’s where we stand. Me, the germans, and my triple sick room.

Until later.

2 thoughts on “the TB report. day 1

  1. Lainie says:

    I know you are unhappy and in pain, but I am truly finding this so entertaining!

    I hope you are doing better today.

    Love you!

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