Well, what was a six day visit with Kait turned into nine days and she wanted out. At one point in our visit she actually said, “I feel like a rat in a hell hole.” Now I’m not quite sure what that really meant but I get the point. She wanted out, only 16 or so hours after we changed her ticket for an extended stay. I think its hilarious, the amount of damage we were able to cause in the days she was here, and her extreme sense of urgency in getting back to Boston, where normal adults function and festivals created just for drinking don’t exist. I am officially in a self induced rehab until next Thursday, which is exactly the day Lainie arrives. God help me.
With Kait, we cannot do anything half-assed. We had too much fun. Too much fun and too much booze. Too much winefest, too much laughing (as if there is such a thing), too much facebooking, too much pizza and fanta, too much of all around bad behavior which we can blame on the fact that we hadn’t seen each other in 3 months. We thoroughly ruined our bodies, and in fact I think we became somewhat less intelligent in the days we spent together, it was that great of a time. I was sad to see her go, but we probably shouldn’t see each other again for awhile. And there is no way we could live in Europe together, due to the fact that we’d surely die or at least get arrested. I heart her, but we are nothing but trouble together. As a tribute to our fantastic visit, I am listing our most favorite moments or quotes of the nine days she was here.
1. The ‘stache video. Yes, there is wax involved and and it’s a riot, but it’s not going on fb, it just isn’t.
2. The Battle of the Bulge video. It’s on her page, not mine. And I don’t think it’s at all weird that we were caught on tape taking pictures of an older man’s bulge in outrageously tight capris.
3. “Helloooo ladies….” Nothing like being picked up on the street.
4. Turnstile assault. An old man actually assaulted me on the way into the WC so that Kait and I could get in using the same .50 euro. Very thoughtful but the bruising on my thighs lasted for days.
5. Winefest…a night of sneaky cobblestones and smashing glass. “What is her problem?” was asked of me that evening, shortly after pulling her up off the ground due to her “shoes”. There is no easy way to answer that question, I know…
6. I’m just going to wash these with Palmolive. Yeah, why not? Not like I don’t have Tide right downstairs.
7. Are you naked under there? Yea, why. No reason, just move over.
8. Soccerrrrrrr baaaaaaaaaaaaaaall! Pull your pants up! Inconsiderate German boys.
9. Wait, hold up. Where are we going? Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it covered. Shit, we’re going bobsledding, aren’t we?
10. Let’s do Stuttgart night. What will we wear? I’m wearing leggings and a jean skirt. You can wear skinny white jeans and one of your 15 belts and he’s wearin capris and that felt hat with a feather in it, of course. Everyone wears suspenders.
11. I’m just going to put on your drindel and jump on the trampoline.
12. I’ll be having his baby in two weeks…Whatever, have his baby, I just want a picture with him.
13. Change your flight. I can’t. Why? It’s not like you have a job. Change it and we’ll be in France by sunset.
For the record, I know none of this is normal behavior. I’m also aware I might not make it past 55 at this rate but hey, have fun while you can, right? Fun indeed. Now back to my detox…