I’ve taken a few weeks off from writing for a few reasons and I thought I shouldn’t share, was advised I shouldn’t share why, but then I thought again and have decided, FUCK IT. There is no censorship on this page. There is no censorship in my life and there is certainly no censorship in my writing. And so, I’m going to give a recap with a little side of NO FUCKS TO GIVE and we’ll pick up from there.
I’m going to keep the details brief.
First, I started supporting a refugee replacement effort in Germany in November, in my town, because I think it’s an important time in the history of the world, in the place I raise my children in, and I want to be part of the solution and not the problem. That is the bottom line.
The way I chose to do this is to volunteer myself as the American liaison to my village, offering to provide them with clothing, shoes, school supplies, toiletry items, money for community outreach support and other assorted items that come up as these 150 people assimilate into our tiny part of Germany.
The way I chose to support this was through FB and email groups, reaching as many people as my big mouth could reach, and hope for the best, and really, I received the best support and the most humbling amount of love, donations, support offers and kind notes and new friendships.
Unfortunately, what I also received was a whole lot of fear and hate fueled bullshit. I received emails, texts, phone calls and FB messages, some private and some not so private that declared me a bitch, a cunt, a terrorist sympathizer, a threat to American society, an uneducated housewife, a bored liberal and a downright terrible human being.
I’ve already called myself most of those things so again, very little fucks to give on that.
However, some of the messages and interactions did end up becoming more than I wanted, some threatening, some naming they knew where my house was, some mentioning I should be careful what I do in the future, and you know, I can stand for a lot of things in life, but I won’t stand for being bullied.
It got to the point where a fun individual decided to try to inform my community here about the last 7 years of my public writings, choosing only to show selective screenshots that were less than desirable upon first look, those that pegged me as someone who hated Germans, children, old people, and pretty much everyone with two legs. There were screenshots of things I said: I hate Germans, I hate Germany, I hate children, old people are awful, blabbity fucking blah. And these were posted on as many community FB sites as I could count. I sat one day and watched my name get smeared all across this charming little high school world we live in over here and I have to say, it threw me for a fucking loop.
I said those things, while out of context, but I said them in a public forum. And during that time frame, there were chat groups of grown ass adults, most that I know, that were commenting on them, judging openly about who I was as a person (God! Can you believe this bitch is the same person claiming to want to help people!), and it was humiliating and humbling and infuriating.
I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out and I wanted to flip a table, light something on fire and punch 23 people in the throat. But instead, I remained silent, which I promise you, was the test of all tests in my life.
And I went off FB for four days. (ohmygod FOUR DAYS!) And I put my blog on private. And I didn’t talk to anyone about anything for a bit. And I got a bit depressed.
But then, after the fog cleared, I snapped back into my reality, and so here’s what I’m going to say about my sabbatical, what I think about people who intimidate others, and what I think about people who judge me without knowing me.
Fuck it. Fuck it and fuck them. And I’m perfectly happy if that’s not received well. I write a satirical blog. I live my life with the hope that I can change people by making them laugh or cry or just making them feel something. I do not care who agrees with me. I do not care who dislikes me. I do not care who I offend, because LOOK. I offend everyone, all the time. It’s my thing. I don’t mean to always, but I do. And to be honest, I’m an equal opportunist. I’m not after Germans, I’m after EVERYONE. So if you don’t like it, don’t act fucking stupid. Don’t highlight yourself in a way that makes it easy for me to mock you and give everyone a good laugh.
As a writer, I assure you, there can be a difference in someone being an entertainer and also being a good person. I’m not even going to defend this notion, but I will defend the fact that I’m not a racist or elitist. I’m human and I make observations, funny ones at that. I’m not here to write publications on human nature. I’m here to entertain and I’m here now, in my village, to support people that no one else cares about. I’m here to give people hope and give children clothing and to give those unaccompanied men that everyone treats as predators footballs, so they have something to do in their spare time. This is a revolution, the world accepting refugees of displaced people who have walked and crossed oceans of hundreds of miles to escape realities that none of us reading this blog will ever, EVER, have to realize yourself.
But back to the hate. Back to the issues I’ve faced. Most importantly to me lately, I want to be clear after the shit I’ve experienced in the past two weeks. In approaching me from here on out, this is a disclaimer: DON’T YOU DARE, ANYONE, try to intimidate me, scare me, or deter me from living my life the way I want to. I will not be bullied. I will not let people I care about be bullied. I will not apologize for my opinions and I will not waste my time or the time of my friends forming defenses to a public that lately is nothing but judgmental, hateful and downright against any humanist movement I’ve ever witnessed.
I’m ashamed to have to tell you the ways people have treated me in the past three months because I am attempting to help people we have been taught to hate. Look. I’m a grown adult with a degree and a career background in diplomacy and engagements. I do not need permission to feel empathy and kindness and love towards strangers. I do not choose to pick fear and hate as my first reaction to a people different from that of my family. I am well aware of the risks. I am playing by the rules. I am serving merely as a POC that is trying to bring a broken community together to do better for each other, for the lives of new friends, for the lives of existing people here. And while doing that, there are a few things I won’t stand for.
I won’t stand for the stirring of fear and hate and propaganda against people who don’t deserve it. White, brown, German, European, American, Persian, or otherwise.
I won’t stand for excuses. I don’t want to hear why you hate these people you’ve never actually met. I don’t want to hear why you CANNOT help. I don’t want to hear why you’re not allowed. Kindness is a gift that is found within everyone. You literally do not have to ask permission from ANYONE to utilize it.
I won’t, I WILL NOT, stand for bullying. Bring your best game, and I assure you, posting my address, my name, my anything, it will not stop me from practicing in my life what I believe is right. It will not make me quieter. It will not make me ask for less of my community. It will not weaken my efforts. If nothing else, it will fuel me to accomplish when I have set out to do in less time, in a fashion I could have never imagined from the very beginning. Do not challenge me. I promise you, you will lose.
And do not EVER, EVER, EVER FUCKING EVER, think you will get an apology from me.
This is my life.
This is my blog.
These are my causes.
This is my new, small but supportive and very powerful, little community. And we are doing great things. And no one, not one small minded, hateful, prejudiced, testosterone driven asshole, will get in my way.
And so yeah, I’m fucking back. Take a screenshot, blast me in public, talk all the shit you want or just send me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org). I’ve got little fucks to give but I have a whole lot of opinions waiting.
Sabbatical IS OVER.